Wednesday, October 31, 2012

one word of advice

If you happen to be home alone and want to watch something funny, and you also happen to be infertile, may I suggest you refrain from watching "What to Expect When You're Expecting"?

Sweet Baby Jesus.

I admit it was a dumb move on my part, ordering that movie from Netflix in the first place. But I honestly thought it was going to be a funny ha-ha "look how much pregnancy sucks but being a mom is cool" movie. And it was some of that but it was also a lot of oh my god miscarriage and trying-for-two-years and IVF and bad eggs and adoption and ... I sobbed. It was really ugly. I should have turned it off and I didn't because I'm a glutton for punishment.

Lesson learned. No movies about pregnancy/adoption/infertility/babies. Not yet.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

no news is just that

I took a couple cycles off from tracking and am about a week out from Big Red. I just decided I needed the mental break, besides which we went on a vacation, which makes tracking difficult. Lots of people say Maybe you'll make a vacation baby! Maybe we did, but I never have before, and I've been on a few vacations since we started this process. I've only ever conceived while tracking.

So I think I'm gonna let the Catholics take a stab at this. Have you guys heard of Napro Technology? It kind of cracks me up that they call it that ... it's just natural reproduction ... technology? They're all about reproduction strictly via sex, and to get there they're all about solving the underlying medical issue that is preventing conception.

Which -- isn't that what all doctors, regardless of religious affiliation -- ought to be doing?! Besides causing infertility, a number of underlying problems can cause other health issues, too. But none of the doctors I've seen have wanted to find out what's going on. They've wanted to throw Clomid at me, or have me try IVF. But getting them to run diagnostic tests has been nearly impossible.Why?! It makes me want to go back to school and become a gynecologist. If only it weren't for that whole poking around in the vagina thing.

Anyway, Christina tells me the doctor I am particularly interested in seeing does not mess around when it comes to miscarriage, so I take it she doesn't share the "it's not a problem until you've had three miscarriages" belief. Which would be a relief. It's just hilarious in a demented way, all my stupid doctors telling me after the first miscarriage: Now, you're gonna be worried about trying again, but everything will be just fine next time. And then when it wasn't they didn't say It will be fine next time again. Assholes.

In related news, I've kept up with Weight Watchers and the cardio kickboxing, and have lost 16 pounds since my highest weight this year. Halloween candy isn't doing me any favors, but I'm doing my best to stick with the program. I'm lighter than I was both times I got pregnant before, so that's good. I hope next cycle's BBT chart looks a lot more normal, but I won't get my hopes up.