Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The way of things

We are status quo since the miscarriage. Since then, I've had many bottles of wine and many delicious mugs of coffee, read almost the entire Sookie Stackhouse series, and pondered my next move.

And actually, I haven't had a period yet. It's been over five weeks. I could be pregnant again, but I think it would be a long shot. The internet tells me it could be a long time until I get a period again, which is just fine, I say. I was never fond of the Red Tent. The internet also tells me there is no medical reason to wait for a period to try to conceive again. But I still want to wait.

Another thing I've been doing: Working on weight loss. I say "working on" instead of "losing weight" because while I've lost a few pounds, I don't feel that I have enough momentum to say "losing weight" yet. Maybe after 10 pounds. If I feel that I have that momentum by the end of the year, I may wait a few more months to try to conceive again, so that I can get to my desired weight. This isn't purely selfish: I believe the excess fat is affecting my hormones. And, it will be easier to carry a baby if I'm more fit.

I have other projects in the works, as well. I'm finishing my novel, which will be done by the end of the year. The other option is for me to walk into the ocean and drown myself, so probably I'll be finishing the book. And, we're working on a few home upgrades that have yet to get liftoff. I'd feel so much better about getting pregnant if all this stuff were behind me.

I admit I'm a little scared of pregnancy now. I know statistically everything will probably be OK if I get pregnant again soon, but ... Ugh. I just don't know if I could handle it if I had another miscarriage. And I don't want to be pregnant. I know it's basically impossible to have your own natural child if you don't get pregnant, but oh lordy. I didn't enjoy the small taste I had. That sentiment is either selfish or reasonable. Maybe both.

Anyway. Those of you that have miscarried: How long did it take your period to show up? How long did it take you to get pregnant again? Tell me your stories. Tell me pregnancy is better in later trimesters. Tell me it's beyond worth it.


  1. Just had a missed miscarriage followed by an awake, local anesthetic D&C in early October. The embryo didn't have a heart beat at the 9-week ultrasound. Oddly, I was dreading it happening (either prescience or borrowing trouble; who knows which), so it didn't come as a huge shock. Just an exceptionally painful surprise.

    I have been temping again, and don't seem to have ovulated yet this cycle; I'm on day 21 since the D&C and have yet to have a big spike. Kind of expecting an anovulatory cycle, but we'll see what happens.

    At the moment, I'm the opposite of you--the only way I think I can move on from this is to be pregnant again as quickly as possible. I want to be able to "forget" (yeah, right) that this happened.

    I'm so sorry for your loss. :-(

  2. My darling girl, it's worth it. And the first trimester blows, but it gets better.

    Take time if you need it. You don't need to justify anything to anyone.

  3. I miscarried at 6.5 weeks. It took me 2 weeks for beta-hCG to go down to <5. Then period arrived a week later.

    How are you doing otherwise? Seems like you have some great, great goals! Don't we all need some goals to keep our lives in balance?

  4. The first time I miscarried at 7 weeks and I spotted/bled for 4 weeks after the actual miscarriage and then I got a period (but probably no ovulation in between). After that first period it took another 5 weeks until I got my next period (very long for me). The second time it was an ectopic pregnancy discovered at 6 weeks and I ovulated two weeks after the surgery(in spite of massive blood loss) and got my period on time. They are all different I suppose...

  5. i had a missed m/c as well...they passed at 6wks, i didn't lose them until 11 wks. 21 days after the m/c bleeding had started i ovulated ( had a wonderful +opk on my 30th birthday...oh joy...)had my period 12 days later bang on with previous cycles. This past cycle was bang on with my previous ones. O on cd 16 and 12 day LP...currently on cd 6 of the cycle in which "we try again"
    good luck! and i hope its all worth it in the end as well, i don't think i could handle that again either.

  6. I feel ya. Just turned 33 myself and have had a super rough year. Recent miscarriage in Aug, no heartbeat at 7 weeks,took 5.5 weeks for AF to return. Before that, blighted ovum found at 9 weeks this last March. Also took 5.5 weeks for AF to return. Currently ttc, hoping for bfp in next few days, but terribly afraid of how future pregnancies may unfold. With all that said, I do have a healthy 2 year old, so I do feel so blessed already. But I can't help but wonder why we have to go through all of this pain. I guess it will make our babies seem that much more precious to us when they finally arrive.

  7. I feel like I could have written this post and I'm glad I found it. I have pcos and I miscarried in early October. My period came back last week and like you, I am scared to try again. The blood tests, vaginal probes, back pain, and the I'm so sorry looks are more than I can handle right now.