I will never know why I wasn't able to get pregnant, which is why I think it took so long for me to reach the end of the line. All of my plumbing allegedly works. Yes, I was told I had "polycystic ovaries" but I have come to learn that really means "we aren't quite sure what's wrong, so here's something you can tell your friends." There are women with polycystic ovaries who get pregnant all the time, without any help. Some of the most fertile people I know have polycystic ovaries.
My husband's junk works too. In fact, when the fertility doctor first looked at his sperm counts he said they were "impressive." For a minute I thought Ryan was going to order a t-shirt to let the world know. I still feel bad that he will not have a biological child, because out of the two of us he really does have some traits the world of the future will need. He says he doesn't care, and I know he's telling me the truth, but there's still a part of me that feels I failed him in some way. I'm hoping that will go away as this process goes on.
I don't know if having a clear reason would really help though. I know women who know exactly why they can't get pregnant, and it doesn't seem to make it any easier. In the end, reason or not, we all feel left out and cheated, and then we have to decide what to do with those feelings.
Right now I'm drowning mine in Midol, and allowing myself to wallow until the bleeding stops. I figure I'll get back to "operation positive attitude" in two to three days.
I mean, unless my uterus gets out before then...
*Thank you all for your positive comments (and in one case really yummy cinnamon bread) after last week's post. Your support means a lot to me.