Incentives

My sister teaches junior kindergarten --- the youngest students on campus. These kids are a crack up. I mean you have to give them rules about everything. And even after the guidelines and expectations are clearly laid out, some poor souls will still have trouble staying on track. They aren’t bad kids. They just need a little more hand holding than most.

I know how they feel. In the world of trying to get knocked up, there are a lot of shoulds and should nots, a lot of rules to follow. When you think about all the things that may derail your fertility, it’s a wonder anyone gets pregnant. Ever. You can’t drink too much or be too fat or exercise too little or exercise too much. You need to eat a lot of vegetables and fruit and enough protein, which should be lean and grilled. And you should avoid processed carbs and artificial sweeteners and real sweeteners and anything fried. And don’t forget to drink lots of water and some tea and take all your supplements. And once you’ve done all that, make sure to have sex at the right time, in the right position with the right lubricant.

If these things came naturally to me, I might already be pregnant. But most them don’t. And even though I’ve read, highlighted and memorized the Making Babies rules, I still have trouble following them. Typically, I’m on good behavior during the week, and I completely fall off the wagon on the weekend, which has a way of extending itself from Friday afternoon to Tuesday morning. Half-time effort is better than no effort, but 50 percent is still a failing grade.

This is why I started to think about my sister and some of her slow learners. The solution (when other attempts have failed) is usually an incentive chart. She will reward a child with stickers for tiny successes and a larger prize for, say, a week of good behavior.

So, yes, I’m suggesting what works for 5-year-olds might work for me. Specifically, I’d like to work on the following areas: taking my supplements, eating more fruits and vegetables, eating less carbs (especially the sugary processed variety), and exercising. I’m not looking for perfection, just a strong B average.

Now, I just need to choose an incentive (other than the obvious of getting pregnant).

Starting Out

I expect to fully be following the "Making Babies" plan by the end of April.

I know, I know, no time like the present. I should be jumping right in, taking the bull by the horns, seizing the day, not letting moss grow under my feet, catching the worm, and other maxims that look great on samplers and in Robin Williams movies. Unfortunately, I am not that kind of person. I am a frog.

Oh, come on, you all know the story about the frog. You put one in a pot of boiling water and it jumps right out. However, if you put it in cool water, and then slowly up the temperature, it doesn't even notice that it's getting cooked. I am a frog. If I try to implement all of these changes at once, I will go running to the nearest 7-11 for Twinkies, a 40 ounce and spermicide. However, if I make the changes gradually, letting my life adjust to each one before moving on, I just might end up cooked.

You all know that by cooked I mean pregnant, right?

I am starting out with my diet. Slowly I am introducing things I should be eating, and taking out the things I shouldn't. I'm still doing whole grains half-assed, but I have given up my daily refined flour bagel with "creme cheeze." I am cutting down on the diet soda, and on the wine, hoping that will make it easier to quit both completely later on. Oh, and I am eating vegetables AND fruit. Not in cocktails either, like as vegetables and fruit. I know, it's weird, and seems totally unnatural. Oh, and I am still letting myself lapse, having pasta, or pizza with nothing but cheese when I want it. I'm easing in, letting myself know that it will all be okay, and getting used to the changes one by one. And I'm not jumping out of the pot.

After this I plan tackle the acupuncture, the exercise, the supplements, and all the things I'll to do to "get to know" my cervix.

I might need until mid-May...