Not much, what's new with you?

I cannot figure out how to write this.

I guess I will just do it chronologically.

There was Christina, standing in my living room, looking a little worried and telling me she had news. So I uncharitably guessed that an unmarried friend of ours was pregnant, and she said, No, I am. Which was a major things-you've-given-up-hoping-for-coming-true moment. And, oh, she'd been a little worried about how I would take it, but I was elated. Floated around for about a week with a smile on my face, my faith in the universe restored.

Until I remembered it wasn't over. I still had to somehow make the same happen for myself. Do what I'd been trying to do for years. Number one goal, unmet. Worse, really -- met, and snatched away, twice.

So I saw a new doctor, who scheduled a test, and almost all these tests involve me on my back, legs spread, and a couple strangers poking around in my lady bits. No exception here, where iodine was injected into my womb. The test said: normal.

I saw my cardiologist, who didn't have anything new to say other than to continue to be an annoying prick who I need to fire.

I started sleeping better after my husband, who should be sainted, resolved a snoring issue. Sleep is the great equalizer, no matter what anyone says.

I tried the Paleo diet and juiced vegetables and quit caffeine and started a baby aspirin regimen. I walked a lot. I half-heartedly attended cardio-kickboxing classes. I lost almost 20 pounds. 

I went to a dentist, which I'd been putting off for years. Two cavities, but other than that, nobody said The disease in your mouth has been affecting your fertility. Which I'd kind of hoped for, just so I'd have an answer.

I asked for progesterone. Doctors nowadays often won't say I think you should take this. They say We can try this if you want. So basically your health is in your hands, and this is the biggest lesson of the last three years. I asked for it and started taking it.

I started acupuncture and herbs, which I didn't know if I believed in. The effect I know it did most certainly have was to make me feel relaxed and positive -- I felt like I was doing something good for myself every week, working toward a goal. And as crazy as it sounds, there was the vision I had on my third visit in which I was standing in the sand, holding a male baby.

And what I didn't know at the time was that I was pregnant.

I always test too soon. I tested on Day 20, and nothing showed up in the first few minutes, so I threw it out. I tested on Day 21 and forgot about it for an hour or two, left it on the bathroom counter. I came back to find a faint, faint positive line. Burst into tears, started shaking. Dug through the trash for the Day 20 test. Even fainter positive line. Googled "false positive pregnancy tests" and "evap lines" with inconclusive results. For those wondering, I don't believe in false positives or evap lines. I've been testing for years, and the only positives I've ever gotten, no matter how long the stick sits there, have actually been positive.

 Days 20-26

And by the way, sorry for the fertility lingo if you're reading this and wondering about Day 20 and evap lines and all that. This has been my world for a while.

That was in March. Today is July 1 and I am 19 weeks pregnant with a boy and this whole thing feels very unreal, like I'm watching it happen to someone else. I mean, yes, that's me in the maternity pants, buying all the peanut butter chocolate ice cream while the clerk eyes my belly with an "is it burritos or a baby" expression, but I scarcely believe it.

It's thrilling and frightening and yes, I'm going to be someone's mother, and no, nobody made me prove I could do it first. It's terrifying but such a relief at the same time.

I'm posting this on both my personal blog and the Tired & Stuck blog, but I plan to update with baby-related stuff only on my personal blog. For those ladies out there who've followed along and been through similar struggles, thank you so much for every kind word. I wish the same miracle on you. 

How I did it

I'm not sure how many people might be interested in how-to-get-pregnant advice from a person who did finally manage to get pregnant but then miscarried. Nonetheless, that is what this post is about today.

First, I'll just say that most of what I did was on the advice of the book we've been following -- Making Babies. I have no idea if the things I did actually led to conception or if they might work for you. But I believe it can't hurt to try. 

-  Over the course of a year, I went completely organic. Organic meat, dairy, and fruits/veggies. The book says: "Eating organic allows you to avoid the pesticides, chemicals, synthetic additives, and other agents contaminating so much of our food supply and wreaking havoc on our health. ... In terms of fertility, many agricultural chemicals, as well as the hormones given to animals raised for their meat, milk, or eggs, affect hormonal balance. ... Some studies even show that organic foods boost fertility." One study showed that men who ate a diet free of pesticides had sperm counts more than twice as high as those of a group with a nonorganic diet. 

-  I went on a 21-day raw vegan cleanse about a month and a half before I got pregnant. I’m not positive, but I imagine it’s possible this reset something in my body. The cleanse I followed is in the book Crazy Sexy Diet. It promised to get rid of the acids in my blood, detoxify my body and balance pH. Balancing pH is a big deal in Making Babies, too. As a reminder from one of my previous posts, pH is the measure of acidity or alkalinity in a substance, including our bodies. Making Babies says your cervical mucus needs to be alkaline in order for sperm to survive long enough to fertilize an egg. If it's too acidic, it kills sperm. Furthermore, Making Babies says alkaline foods that will create friendly cervical mucus include fruit, vegetables (especially leafy green vegetables) sprouts and wheatgrass. Acidifying foods include meat, dairy, grains, alcohol, coffee, and artificial sweeteners.

-  I took holistic, organic prenatals and B-complex vitamins, flax seed oil, baby aspirin and chlorophyll. The holistic vitamins I take are by New Chapter and available at Whole Foods. Disclaimer: They are extremely expensive. Here's what Making Babies says about some of the supplements I take: "B vitamins are important for the release of the egg and for implantation and embryonic development, making them particularly important in phases 3 and 4 of a woman's cycle. A deficiency of vitamin B has been linked to anovulation (lack of ovulation. ... Vitamin B6 helps the body produce progesterone and metabolize excess estrogen." Additionally, the book says, B12 can improve low sperm counts in men. Flax seed is considered an essential fatty acid, which is crucial for healthy regulation of hormones throughout the body. This supplement (any supplement that has a good combination of Omega 3s and 6s) is considered the most important supplement you can take after a prenatal. Chlorophyll helps build red blood cells and its "high magnesium content ... boosts enzymes that restore the sex hormones. In fact, American farmers have been known to give their cows wheatgrass to restore fertility." The book also says chlorophyll helps build up the uterine lining. I take this supplement in liquid form, mixing it with water. Lastly, there's baby aspirin, which I often take on the advice of my cardiologist because I have an enlarged heart valve and arrhythmia. However, Dr. David, one of the authors of Making Babies, says he advises most of his patients to take baby aspirin because it can improve blood flow to the uterus and placenta and prevent clotting that can interfere with implantation. "Many women have problems with implantation that are hard to detect or pin down, and aspirin can help. It is not likely to hurt the mother or fetus." David advises women stop using aspirin after the first trimester. You should consult your doctor before beginning a daily baby-aspirin regimen.

 -  Around the time that implantation likely took place, I was doing a lot of walking (at BlogHer). The book says "...the newest research shows that moderate exercise actually benefits fertility. One finding to emerge from the Nurses' Health Study was a reduction in the risk of ovulatory infertility with exercise. Hitting the gym three to five times a week could bring the risk down by as much as 25 percent or more." There are really too many benefits of exercise to mention here. The book does say you shouldn't exercise too intensely, as that can cause you to become anovulatory.

-  I’d quit eating/drinking all artificial sweeteners. I’d switched to using agave nectar in my coffee and if I wanted a soda, I had one every few weeks – a real, full-sugar soda. "The artificial sweetener aspartame has been linked to infertility and birth defects, as well as cancer. Everyone would benefit from avoiding it. While you're at it, skip all artificial sweeteners -- they make the body too acidic." 

-  I cut out tons of gluten. My husband found out he is sensitive to it a little over a year ago, so we really don’t have any in the house. There's nothing in Making Babies specifically regarding gluten, although the book does advise that people with my fertility type cut back on carbs.

- I cut way back on caffeine and was drinking one cup of coffee in the mornings. "Caffeine can decrease the flow of blood to the uterus, which can interfere with implantation. Too much caffeine may increase the risk of clotting and miscarriage. ... Coffee is acidic and can make the body and the cervical mucus acidic, too. Several studies have concluded that coffee (with or without caffeine) diminishes fertility. A recent large Dutch study determined that four cups of coffee a day lowered a woman's chances of having a baby by more than 25 percent." Yikes! 

-  I sat in the sun for 20 minutes a few times a week, starting in the spring, to get more Vitamin D. This vitamin protects sperm and eggs against genetic damage and supports the production of estrogen. "In some cases, bumping up vitamin D intake to adequate levels can restore ovulation in women with polycystic ovarian syndrome." If you're curious about your vitamin D levels, ask your doctor to test you! My last test showed a severe deficiency. 

-  One evening on the cycle we conceived, we did our “business” and then I went to sleep right afterward, without getting out of bed.  We also conducted some additional business after ovulation, which is a bit unusual for us but may have been the success factor in this case. This follows my friend Michelle’s dad’s method to an extent, although this was before she’d told me about his method. Click here to visit the post about his tips. 

What I didn’t do, but thought for sure I would need to do in order to get pregnant, was lose weight. I can't help but wonder if I was in better shape if things would have turned out differently. 

I had also completely abandoned tea when the weather warmed up. I’d been drinking raspberry leaf tea for a while but gave that up in the spring. I think I'll re-incorporate that. I'd actually started drinking lots of it before the miscarriage happened in an effort to stimulate the uterus to do its job. While I don't know if it helped, everything did go really well.

In any case, I hope that this helps someone out there who's not sure what might be preventing herself from conceiving. Here's to having fun trying, and trying again.

Drinking like a pregnant person

For starters, I have to share one story. Over the weekend someone asked me if my husband and I are planning on having children. I accept that people are going to ask me this even if they barely know me, as was the case this time. It's simply something humans do, inquiring after each other's procreational intentions. My blanket response is: "We're working on it," which is what I said this time. The person asked me how long we'd been working on it. I said, "A while." She said, "Oh, then you should stop trying! Then I'm sure it would happen. You know, because of all the stress that builds up in your body."

I think I said, "I know, right?" But I was thinking of an infertility blog I sometimes check in at that's titled, "Just Stop Trying And It Will Happen." The title is obviously hyperbolic and represents one of the infertility community's most detested pieces of advice. That, along with "Are you sure you're doing it right?"

Our favorite response to this one is: "You mean the penis is supposed to go in the vagina?!"

So anyway. That's not what this post is about today; that was just a little anecdote to whet your appetite.

What today's post is about is how I've stopped drinking caffeine and alcohol. In the circles I hang out, this has not gone unnoticed. I love me some wine. And coffee, for that matter.

So let's start with coffee. Here are some bullet-pointed nuggets from Making Babies:

- Caffeine can decrease the flow of blood to the uterus, which can interfere with implantation.
- Too much caffeine may increase the risk of clotting and miscarriage.
- Coffee is acidic and can make the body and the cervical mucus acidic, too. Several studies have concluded that coffee (with or without caffeine) diminishes fertility. A recent large Dutch study determined that four cups of coffee a day lowered a woman's chances of having a baby by more than 25 percent -- comparable to the damage done by smoking, being overweight, or having three or more alcoholic drinks a week.
- Some studies have linked coffee and low sperm count.

And alcohol:

- Some studies show even low levels of alcohol can cut fertility by as much as one-half.
- One large study concluded that women who had fewer than five drinks a week were twice as likely to get pregnant in a given six-month period compared to women who drank more.
- Another study demonstrated that men who drank alcohol regularly took twice as long to get their partners pregnant as men who didn't drink at all.
- Alcohol is toxic to sperm, and overuse can reduce sperm quality, increase abnormal sperm, and lower motility. Men who drink have been shown to have lower sperm counts and lower testosterone.
- In women alcohol can be  a risk factor for ovulatory infertility.
- Alcohol also interferes with the body's ability to absorb nutrients from food. That includes zinc, which is key for male fertility in particular.
- Alcohol interferes with the action of folic acid as well, which plays an important role in the maturation of an egg for ovulation.
- Alcohol acidifies the body, including the cervical mucus. If the mucus gets to acidic, sperm can't survive in it, and so can't reach the egg.

These are good things to remember, that I'm constantly "forgetting." It's so much easier to just take some extra supplements than it is to turn down a glass of wine at a party; believe me, I know. But the payoff just might be worth it. 

Drug of Choice

Hello. My name is Christina, and I’m a caffeineaholic. And not in your traditional 8 cups of coffee a day kind of way. I like coffee. But what I really love is Excedrin. Excedrin and I have been together so long I can’t remember if our love affair began in high school or college, but I’ve been dependent ever since.

One Excedrin tablet is:

·         250 mg Acetaminophen (Tylenol)

·         250 mg Aspirin

·         65 mg Caffeine

It is the perfect, legal and convenient pick-me-up-and-cure-my-headache drug. Up until a few weeks ago, depending on how I felt and my mood, I would pop one to three a day (on rare occasions even four). It was my multivitamin.

Problem is as devoted as I am to Excedrin, my uterus is not. According to Making Babies, caffeine should be limited when you are pregnant and when you are trying to become so. Coffee especially should be avoided due to its acidifying nature.

The authors didn’t mention Excedrin by name, but I can read between the lines. I figure I better switch my usage from recreational to purely medicinal. As in, my head better feel like my brain is bleeding before I reach for my quick fix.  It’s really for the best. I was starting to suspect every random pain was actually a symptom of liver damage caused by the Acetaminophen.  

The good news is, according to the book, tea (even black caffeine-containing tea) may boost fertility. “Women who drank tea every day --- even just half a cup --- were twice as likely to conceive as women who never drank tea,” Making Babies, page 109.

The authors recommend green tea (up to three cups a day). However, two cups of black tea is within their caffeine guideline of no more than 90 mg of caffeine a day.

90 mg! I get sad just thinking about it. Did I mention I was drinking tea and coffee in addition to my daily dose of Excedrin? And it’s not like I haven’t been down this road before. A few years ago, I quit caffeine cold turkey. Big mistake. Caffeine withdrawals nearly drove me to murder inside a crowded Whole Foods. So this time, I’m going slow, drinking mostly black tea, the occasional coffee and lots of chlorophyll water