Tuesday, June 14, 2011


I didn't post last Tuesday because I was in the emergency room. Well, actually, that's a lie. On Wednesday I was in the emergency room. On Tuesday I was writhing in my bed praying for sweet merciful death. By the time I finally went into the ER I was sure that my gall bladder had given up the ghost, or my pancreas was close to exploding. Neither turned out to be true. Instead, the doctor took a look at the long list of supplements, herbs, hormones, and metabolic pills I was taking and suggested that I might be overdoing it just a titch.

The next day I went to see my OB/GYN. I told her about the hormone therapy I had been doing for the past year, and the "Making Babies" program I had been since March. She nodded sympathetically, and then asked why I was making myself so sick and miserable. She said that from her standpoint none of the things I was doing were going to help in my getting pregnant. They wouldn't hurt, but they wouldn't help. If anything they would just have a placebo effect.

I started to cry.

I want this so badly to work. We can't go back to the assisted fertility model. That was destroying my body, and our marriage. But I obviously can't keep doing this in the way I have been doing it.

So, I'm not quite sure what's next. I have now been off all of the pills (other than my anti-depressant) for a week. I feel better. I am going to keep going to the acupuncturist because that makes me feel good. I am going to stay on the Metformin because it helps with my appetite, and I know it wasn't the culprit. I am off the supplements and the herbs. I think instead I will just try to hit hard healthy living stuff hard. Actually get out and walk and eat the way I should, instead of relying on a handful of pills to pick up the slack.

And I am going to be nice to myself. I am going to remember that I am not the sum of my reproductive parts.

I am going to enjoy what I have.


  1. I'm sorry to hear you were in the hospital and feeling so terrible! But I'm glad to hear you're going to try the whole "be nice to yourself" thing. That sounds like a good idea.

  2. Oh dear. I should have checked in on you last week but didn't want to bug you! I'm so sorry. I like your healthy lifestyle approach and have been having something of a revelation in that regard myself. Eff the supplements. Do what makes you feel good and balanced.

  3. You are so much more then your reproductive parts. So much more.

  4. So sorry to hear that you were in the hospital! Being kind do yourself is definitely called for -- feel better and get healthy.

    And like Kelly said: You are so much more than the sum of your reproductive parts.

  5. Awww, Libby. I am so sorry. Some of those supplements are brutal. I have been on a few of them myself. You are much more than the sum of your reproductive parts - you make me giggle every day on Twitter, for example. Very often I am having a crap day and you make me laugh and I forget the crappiness. Look after yourself, hon.

  6. oh I am sorry to hear you have been so sick. And I hate that we feel like less because our bodies have betrayed us. I don't know when the mourning for that is done. I'm not there yet either. You are right focusing on what we do have is a help.

  7. I think you've got a good plan. I know it was a hard week, but your doctor is totally right. If you focus your energy on your health it's a much better idea than all of those supplements (easier said than done, I know!).
    Huge hugs!

  8. Holy cow, Libby! I can't believe you were effected that way! I'm so sorry. That's just crap.

    I talked about you this week after I found out Clomid didn't help me ovulate. George says he's on board to speed up our adoption plan, so that makes me so happy. BUT, I told him I didn't think that adopting a baby would ever cure the aches of being infertile. Adopting a baby would cure the aches of wanting to be parents and of having a child, but I'd still be left with an empty womb feeling. He thought that was the craziest thing he'd ever heard. Do you agree with me on this? Or, am I not seeing something right?

  9. Libby, this comment is more than a week late because I'm really, really bad at doing things when they should be done. But, I've been thinking about you so much these past few weeks, and I'm hoping you are feeling MUCH BETTER! xo, Christina