Wednesday, February 15, 2012

A little magic

If all the ladies I know in real life who wanted to be pregnant at this moment were suddenly pregnant, there would be around eight of us.

It astounds me that I personally know this many people who have tried for years to get pregnant, with limited success. I say "limited" because a couple of us have miscarried, which seems to imply the ability to at least become pregnant. Some of us have had surgery, some of us are taking weird medications, some of us have undergone IVF, some of us have adopted, and some of us have given up. Our physiological issues run the gamut, and some of us are not sure what exactly our physiological issues are; we just know whatever we've been trying, it ain't working.

Just recently I began feeling that old feeling I used to have. The opposite of hopelessness. A quasi-confidence that this will work out for most of us. I started to fantasize about how it would be if myself and my fertility-challenged friends all conceived at the same time. We'd be pregnancy buddies, and then mommies together, and what could be more perfect than a triumph like that?

These are dangerous thoughts. Hopeful thoughts usually lead to disappointment somewhere around Day 30 of my cycles. I'm not sure if I should try not to be hopeful. Actually, I'm not sure if I can quell it.

I suspect part of the reason for my new hope is my niece, Ava, who's 9 weeks old today. I've been taking care of her a few days a week while my sister works, and unsurprisingly, I have grown attached. I read a book that said you should talk to your baby. About anything and everything. So I talk quietly to her, and I tell her about everything. I tell her about her uncle, and her grandparents, and her mommy and daddy, and I tell her about my cats and how some day I plan to give her a cousin. And I'll be damned if that kid doesn't smile. She seems to enjoy being spoken to, and it usually lulls her to sleep. She's successfully removed a chunk of my heart and she keeps it with her, wherever she is.

Ava has renewed my hope; it's pretty certain. If a miracle like her is possible, then I suppose just about anything can happen.


  1. This gave me the tingles. I already love Ava and I don't even know her!

  2. The power of new life is an amazing thing... And you never know. Sometimes hope brings results.

  3. Stay positive, my friend. Although we never know what life has in store for us, it's better to go through it happy than pissed off at your insides who act like a total asshole and make you instantly seethe with hatred every time you see some dumb, knocked up moron.

    It's important to find your inner zen, like I have.