Wednesday, February 8, 2012

What I'm Keeping

For the past few weeks I have eaten like crap, drank copious amounts of Diet Pepsi and wine, not taken a single vitamin, and sung "pregnant women are smug" in my head every time I have encountered into someone with an obviously functioning reproductive system. I have basically wallowed in my infertility by setting fire to all of the work I had done trying to "fix" it.

But, now, it's probably time to move on. After all, just because I'm infertile doesn't mean I want to die young. Or fat. Or angry.

I am re-evaluating all of the things I was doing in the name of trying to get pregnant, and deciding what I want to keep in the name of having a healthier, and happier life. I can tell you right now though, all of the supplements are definitely not the "keeper" list. Neither is visualizing my uterus -- f it doesn't want to co-operate with me, the less I want to think about it. Oh, and the only sticks I am peeing on are the ones I will have to when camping.

I am going to recommit to healthier eating, especially cutting down on carbs in favor of protein and vegetables. I find when I do that I am not as hungry, and I feel better. So, while habit will tell me to reach for a bagel, it will now have to deal with the fact I will go for yogurt and fruit instead. And I am once again cutting back on wine and Diet Pepsi. Actually, in the case of the Pepsi I am attempting to cut it out again. I've read too much about other health effects to not feel like I'm drinking battery acid every time I pop open a can.

I am still torn on whether or not to continue with the acupuncture. On one hand, I really love it, and found it to be the high point of all of my fertility trials. On the other hand, the woman I was seeing is A) expensive, and 2) specializes in fertility. If I want to continue with it I need to find someone cheaper, who every time I see her isn't going to remind me of my rotten eggs. Maybe someone who specializes in weight loss...

So, that's my plan for now. Maybe next month I will try to stop singing the "smug" song too, but for right now, I'm holding on to that tune. I'l work on the not dying angry stuff later...


  1. This sounds like a good plan! And also: You have a knack for blending disappointment with biting humor. Which of course makes me <3 you all the more.

  2. Just make sure that those sticks you pee on while camping don't have poison ivy on them. That seems like it would hurt like a MF'er.

  3. It's such a shift in thinking to go from "I must conceive" to "this ain't happening." I am pretty sure I would go on a major binge. I think it's wonderful that you're refocusing to consider what is going to keep you feeling healthy and happy. That is what is important now, for you and your family.

  4. Do what makes you happy. One day that might be working out and feeling accomplished, and another day it might be getting drunk and eating potato skins (drool).

    Don't have any rules. Just have fun. <3

  5. All seems sound. It's funny, I also loved my expensive 18 months of weekly acupuncture during my "fertility journey" (even paid to have the gal with me during my transfers) but when I finally accepted it was never going to happen I never wanted to see her again and have never gone back on that sensation. ;)