Because I am not above gloating, I just want to say I told you so. I told you Snooki was pregnant. You cried foul, and now I'm saying How you like me now?
The key to determining whether a celebrity is pregnant is you have to ask yourself: Self, does anyone in their right mind give a shit about this person? If the answer is No, then that person is pregnant. If the answer is Yes, then 50% of the time, that person is pregnant. If the person is gay, subtract 20 percent. If the person is unmarried, add 20 percent. If the person is over age 35, chances are 90 percent.
I'm glad we had this talk.
Now, FYI, Uma Thurman is pregnant. She is 41. This will be her third child. More power to her.
The baby thing is inescapable. There's no use in trying to block it out; it's ever-present. Avoiding baby-related things is futile -- everyone who hasn't been in your situation will never understand why you feel the way you do, and they will think you are 1) An asshole for trying to avoid baby-related things and 2) Self-centered.
It's best not to admit that baby-related things make you feel like you might scream uncontrollably. They won't understand.
They might think they do, but they don't and can't, and it's not their fault. The best of friends who have never been through this don't get it, but at least they accept you for the crazy person you've become and they are well-stocked with wine.
I wonder: Maybe I am not supposed to have kids. Maybe I just want kids because everyone else has kids. Maybe I just want kids because I want to give my parents and my father-in-law grandkids. Maybe I just want kids because my husband wants to be a father. Maybe I would be an unfit mother. Maybe this is natural selection or evolution or the Earth's way of saying please stop overpopulating.
I wonder: Maybe I only care because I think I am supposed to care.
But then it wouldn't hurt so bad.