Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Machine

This is an overpriced piece of plastic that is supposedly going to tell me when I hit peak fertility during each cycle. I bought this last week, the day I started my period, in a fit of hope. And I can't put my finger on exactly why, but hope is out the window, running down the street, trying to catch the bus to the bad side of town for a gang initiation meeting.

I just don't see myself getting pregnant any time soon, and I'm not sure why. I'm not giving up -- I'm diligently charting my temperatures and peeing on sticks and drinking Red Raspberry Leaf tea and massaging my abdomen, etcetera etcetera, but something in all of these actions feels hollow. Maybe I'm just tired of it. I'm undeniably irritated with the whole situation and would like to take my new fertility monitor out back and crush it with a baseball bat.

Which is interesting, in and of itself. Traditionally the pre-ovulatory phase is the most hopeful phase. Oftentimes it's when I feel my most hopeful, but this time around I'd describe my sentiment as skeptical, at best.

To my husband, it's kind of like a big science experiment. He's an engineer, with confidence in properly-built machines. A properly built machine should solve all the world's ills and get me pregnant. Everything else up til now may as well have been me waving a wand at my vagina. Now that The Machine is here, we'll see what's really going on.

Maybe part of my bitterness is that I don't believe in The Machine, or that it will tell me anything I don't already know.

Day 7 - low fertility. Shocking. 

I think I already know when I'm ovulating and I've convinced myself the real issue pertains to my cervical mucus. Or lack thereof. But that's a post for a whole other time.
Anyway. Sorry for the downer of a post, but this is how I genuinely feel right now. Maybe I'm wrong and The Machine will blow everything I thought I knew out of the water. If that's the case, you'll be among the first to know.


  1. This is an interesting experiment. I am eager to see how you like The Machine. I and my husband are both engineers, so clearly I'm tempted to get a Machine myself. BUT, like you point out, I feel like I know my cycle through BBT charts, CM, and occasional OPK's. What additional data do I need? If only I could do my own blood tests....

    -- Another Erin

  2. Ohhhh! I have wanted one!! I am the experimenty person and I love having confirmation of what I already know. I can't wait to hear your review. I may have to get it.

    As to your frustrations--me too. Makes total sense. It will come and go. Hang in there.

    I am trying preseed, too:)

  3. egw - supposedly The Machine tests for lutenizing hormone AND estrogen, which is more than most OPKs do. We shall see.

    wildology - I think preseed is in my near future, too ...

  4. Hi Bud.
    I agree with you about the mucus's like an obsession of mine.

    Just kidding, it's really not an obsession...but I do totally agree with you.

    My great grandmother who was a midwife(she thought she was infertile until 36 and then she had 8 kids after that) once told me something gross (because it was coming from her mouth) but seems strangely convincing to me.

    Orgasms that are made with nipple and clitoral stimulation make the best cervical mucus, which is one of the reasons midwifes suggest nipple stimulation during labor.

    My great gran claimed that having an orgasm like this before the man comes is the best way to ripen for him.

    See? Gross sounding.

  5. You're totally justified in your feelings. It seems like nobody talks about it, but trying to get pregnant can be incredibly frustrating and soul-sucking because when you finally decide that you WANT demon spawn running around your home (I say "demon spawn" with love, I really do), it becomes all-encompassing. And when it doesn't happen right away, that is freaking demoralizing.

    Maybe this post is your subconscious' way of dealing: By reacting with disbelief and uncaring, perhaps it will have the opposite effect of the status quo.

    Whatever it is, I'm sending you warm and fuzzy thoughts today. And if I were close enough to hug you, I would. xoxo.

  6. one word - preseed. It's a GODSEND. Get it :)

  7. Erin - I'm trying to eat lunch, here, woman! ;-)

    shell - I hope my indifference works. But does that make me non-indifferent? Probably...

    Tillie - this is what I'm hearing. Apparently I need to place an urgent order.

  8. When does Hubs get poked and proded to check his seed and manly goods? So much stress put on you when it might not even be you.

  9. The other Erin is definitely on to something. :) Hang in there.

  10. Mary - oh, his day will come!! I'm thinking June, around the same time of my next annual.

    Katie - hahaahah. All right! I'll make sure I'm highly stimulated.