This is an overpriced piece of plastic that is supposedly going to tell me when I hit peak fertility during each cycle. I bought this last week, the day I started my period, in a fit of hope. And I can't put my finger on exactly why, but hope is out the window, running down the street, trying to catch the bus to the bad side of town for a gang initiation meeting.
I just don't see myself getting pregnant any time soon, and I'm not sure why. I'm not giving up -- I'm diligently charting my temperatures and peeing on sticks and drinking Red Raspberry Leaf tea and massaging my abdomen, etcetera etcetera, but something in all of these actions feels hollow. Maybe I'm just tired of it. I'm undeniably irritated with the whole situation and would like to take my new fertility monitor out back and crush it with a baseball bat.
Which is interesting, in and of itself. Traditionally the pre-ovulatory phase is the most hopeful phase. Oftentimes it's when I feel my most hopeful, but this time around I'd describe my sentiment as skeptical, at best.
To my husband, it's kind of like a big science experiment. He's an engineer, with confidence in properly-built machines. A properly built machine should solve all the world's ills and get me pregnant. Everything else up til now may as well have been me waving a wand at my vagina. Now that The Machine is here, we'll see what's really going on.
Maybe part of my bitterness is that I don't believe in The Machine, or that it will tell me anything I don't already know.
Day 7 - low fertility. Shocking.
I think I already know when I'm ovulating and I've convinced myself the real issue pertains to my cervical mucus. Or lack thereof. But that's a post for a whole other time.
Anyway. Sorry for the downer of a post, but this is how I genuinely feel right now. Maybe I'm wrong and The Machine will blow everything I thought I knew out of the water. If that's the case, you'll be among the first to know.