Ready for my month off

I just ... cannot ... wait!

It might be the PMS talking, but I am so over all of this ovulation-tracking, temperature-keeping, cycle-watching bull shit. In case it's not completely clear, I am absolutely pissed off about this whole thing and would dearly love to punch someone -- maybe myself -- in the face.

It came to a head on Monday, when I was going about my day and noticed suddenly that my breasts hurt. A LOT. I will sometimes get tender boobs when I'm about to start my period, but this was new pain. This was aching, throbbing, swelling ... you get the idea. I thought, Well? Perhaps in spite of all of the symptoms of PMS (including ragey face acne and a lower basal body temperature and a cleaning frenzy on Sunday) -- perhaps it's pregnancy.

You know what comes next. I pee on a stick, the stick laughs in my face, and then I eat a bag of tortilla chips.

Fuck you, ovaries, and the vagina you rode in on. 

So, as I've mentioned before, I like to have a plan when I'm coming to the end of a cycle. A plan for the next cycle. And the plan this time, as I also mentioned last week, is to Not. Do. Anything.

No ovulation tracking, no temperature-taking, no thinking about it, no discussing it, zip, zilch, nada. If someone asks me about it, I will say as politely as possible that I am not talking about anything even remotely related to my malfunctioning gonads for one month and can they please ask again next cycle. Thankyouverymuch.

I can't wait. Can't, can't, can't, can't wait!

What I am going to do over the next month is lose a bunch of weight. I've said before and still believe that my weight is throwing everything off. It's obviously healthier to be pregnant when you don't weigh a bajillion pounds, anyway, so let's get this show on the road. I'm tired of dicking around.