It may be folly to feel encouraged by a fortune in a fortune cookie, but sometimes you just feel like the universe is speaking to you.
For example, a couple of years ago, the day before my husband and I were about to embark on a two week road trip, I received a fortune that read: Need some adventure and enjoyment? Take a vacation.
More like advice than a fortune, right? But accurate, nonetheless.
Last week we received these two fortunes:
Your present plans are going to succeed if you stick to them.
... and, more importantly ...
Your household will soon be showered with unexpected blessings. Congratulations.
I take this to mean I am going to simultaneously publish my book and get pregnant. It's nice to know the universe is on board with my plans.
And speaking of plans, I'm back on the "let's get pregnant" program, ready to pee on a stick when The Machine tells me to, trying to remember to take my temperature in the mornings. The fact that I have remembered to take my temperature only once is an indication of my much more relaxed attitude about this whole thing this cycle. The month of bliss was very helpful mentally (although, as I suspected, the month of bliss was not fruitful the way it has been for some infertility bloggers. I admit I'd hoped it might be the magic key).
And I have to admit something else. I wonder if other people dealing with this same thing ever feel the same way: I am starting to feel like it's kind of useless to even try. This is illogical, I know, but even when we're doing everything right, when and how we're supposed to do it and I'm taking my supplements and going on walks and eating my vegetables -- I still have this hollow feeling of doing something that will lead to nothing. Maybe it's just because that's what's been happening every month -- a lot of nothing. I'm just used to all of this resulting in the same thing every month: my period.
All of my surmising is probably irritating some of you who wish I would go to the doctor, already. I'm going to, I swear. My new health insurance starts in June, and then I'll be making that appointment. Then I suspect I'll have a whole other story to tell.