The end of bliss

The end of my month of bliss is rapidly approaching -- I'm on Day 27 as I write this on Tuesday. I admit I checked my Period Tracker app to find that out, but checking an app is a lot less involved than charting temperatures and peeing on a stick every morning.

I gotta say that I sure felt a lot less stressed out about the baby-making thing this month, even with the announcement of my sister's pregnancy. It was really nice not to even think about it. And really throwing myself into the bliss, I even pushed diet and exercise aside and instead have been drinking loads of coffee and wine and eating giant chunks of white, processed carbs at every meal. So needless to say, weight loss didn't happen this month -- quite the opposite, I'm sure, if my tight pants are any indication.

If all of the Just Relax-ers were right, all of this relaxing and not thinking about it should have resulted in a big ol' embryo in my uterus, right? I almost want to not be pregnant just so I can flip the Just Relax-ers the bird. Reality tells me there's no way I'm pregnant. I'm experiencing my customary pre-period cramping and acne flareup. Nothing smells weird. My boobs don't hurt. It's business as usual over here.

So because of that, even though my month of bliss really was blissful, I am kind of looking forward to getting back to consulting The Machine about ovulation and popping the thermometer in my mouth first thing every morning in order to chart my temperature. But with a new attitude.

The month of bliss was educational. It helped me realize I don't want to live life constantly looking at the calendar and worrying about cervical mucus and Is this the month?? I'm going to try not to do that during the next cycle, even though I know that charting temps and peeing on sticks inherently causes that kind of behavior. I need to not obsess. It becomes all-consuming and ruins everything.

Part of me still thinks that if I just keep charting and peeing, I'll end up pregnant. I hear all the time Oh, it took So-And-So's cousin a long time to conceive too, and I wonder, Was she charting and peeing on sticks, too?

Another part of me is pretty sure I need a doctor to run a few tests to figure out what's going on. Once I have my new insurance card in-hand this month, my husband and I will be making separate appointments to have our equipment checked. I have a feeling that then, we'll know what we're really dealing with.