Welcome to the fiery hell of my vagina. Stay awhile?

I've been doing an excellent job of ignoring my diet for the last few months.

Making Babies states quite clearly that fruits and vegetables are the best things to eat if what we're trying to do is conceive. Which we are.

It does not say tri-tip steak and cupcakes, or martinis and cheese logs. Unfortunately.

About a week ago, I discovered a book called Crazy Sexy Diet. It advocates a raw, vegan, gluten-free lifestyle, among lots of other very hippie-esque practices like meditation and "dry-brushing," and -- dear god -- enemas.

Normally this is exactly the kind of book I would curl my upper lip at in horror. I am a meat-and-cheese eater, and always have been. I'd never planned to give those up.

But where Crazy Sexy Diet hooked me was the chapter about pH.

pH is the measure of acidity or alkalinity in a substance, including our bodies. I faintly recalled a paragraph about pH in Making Babies -- something about it being important. I'd torn desperately through the book in about two days when my Amazon delivery arrived a few months ago, so my recall of all its recommendations is sketchy at best. I decided to revisit that section.

And what it says, of course, is that your cervical mucus needs to be alkaline in order for sperm to survive long enough to fertilize an egg. If it's too acidic, it's buh-bye sperm, see you in fiery acid hell.

Furthermore, Making Babies says alkaline foods that will create friendly cervical mucus include fruit, vegetables (especially leafy green vegetables) sprouts and wheatgrass.

Acidifying foods include meat, dairy, grains, alcohol, coffee, and artificial sweeteners*. Hello breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'd been trying to lose weight by eating low carb, so that did away with a lot of grains, but didn't do anything about all the animal protein I've been eating.

So the more I read about the benefits of a raw vegan diet, the more I became convinced that I should at least try it out. There are a lot of very interesting and convincing details in the book that I won't go into here -- that's why there's an entire book on the subject. Suffice to say this kind of diet is supposed to make you feel and look awesome.

So what I'm going to do is try CSD's 21-day cleanse, which is supposed to eliminate the acids being stored in the blood. It involves lots of juicing and blending of vegetables, and lots of salads. When that's over, I may go back to meat, but probably not dairy because, if you believe CSD, it's basically the root of all evil. But it'll be OK if I go back to eating meat occasionally, or have a martini or a slice of bread. The idea is to be balanced -- to eat enough alkaline foods to balance out the acidic ones.

If you're interested in trying something similar out, just keep in mind that raw veggies are important -- cooking them acidifies them. Also, excessive exercise is acidifying, so keep it mellow. No problem, right? Lastly, if you go meatless, make sure you're popping a vitamin b12 pill.

I start the cleanse next Tuesday, and this week I'm detoxing off of coffee, dairy, meat, processed food and sugar. I'm already mostly gluten-free. This is all just in time for my "fertile window" -- I'm on Day 14 of my cycle and haven't reached my peak fertile day yet. But, I'm hoping the changes in my diet are making my lady bits less acidic.

I don't imagine the 21-day cleanse will be easy, but I am really eager to see how I look and feel. I've been having a lot of trouble losing weight, and my skin has been looking terrible. Not to mention I've kind of been feeling lousy overall.

And if this is the magic bullet that results in a baby? Then I'll know I should have been eating this way from the very beginning.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(*Regarding artificial sweeteners -- after reading Crazy Sexy Diet, I stopped using Truvia in my morning coffee. Although it's derived from stevia, which is safe and natural, it contains other chemicals and sugar alcohols that are bad for you. And if you're using Splenda or Sweet N Low or whatever, please read what a doctor from the Hippocrates Health Institute says about those: "Artificial sweeteners are potent nerve toxins and should never have been approved as safe for human consumption." I've eliminated my favorite gum from my diet because of this, and I haven't had a diet soda in months, since Making Babies also decries artificial sweeteners.)