the perils of temping

Funny story.

My temperatures were looking really stupid. Here's my chart so far this cycle.

I mean, seriously. 97.7 five days in a row? A bit suspicious, even if I was temping at different times (which I was). But then the numbers started going up a bit so I was like, OK, I guess my thermometer's not broken. But then I realized, Hey. It's Day 18 and according to my chart, I haven't ovulated, even though my most fertile days were Day 15 and 16, according to my opk machine. And I'd been waiting to ovulate so I could take the crinone gel.

(Not to mention that I'd been waiting to ovulate so I could put my stud horse out to pasture, if you know what I'm saying. My poor husband is exhausted.)

So I ordered a new thermometer, got it yesterday, tested it against the old one, and my temperature on the new one was a full .6 degrees higher. Which in the world of basal body temperature charting is the difference between ovulating and not ovulating. It's huge. So obviously there is something amiss with the old thermometer.

Lesson learned: Change the batteries in the thermometer every month.

The problem now is I have no idea if/when I ovulated, and I'm uncertain about whether I should just start using the crinone gel. If I haven't ovulated yet, excess progesterone can block the release of the egg. My number this morning was less than helpful: 97.7. Some past charts show delayed ovulation on Day 20, so perhaps I'll wait to see what tomorrow's number is and then start using the gel.

Anyway, yes, I did decide to start using crinone gel after I visited K the acupuncturist last week. She was as kind as ever, but I'm afraid she had zero insight after I showed her my charts and labs. I shouldn't have set my expectations so high -- I mean, at this point I already know what's going on. Or at least, I think I do; my wonky thermometer may have been leading me astray.

Another lesson -- last week's session was much less relaxing because my hands were freezing. Why didn't I just tell her my hands were freezing? I'm dumb. I will tell her next time.

She prescribed another herbal concoction. This one is in liquid form. You mix it with water and it is nasty. It's possible it's not herbs at all, and just worcestershire sauce. Ick. I'm still taking "gather vitality" as well -- 3 pills, 3 times a day.

On my way out I asked K basically if she thought she could fix me. And she said the same thing she told me the first time; we'll nourish the egg and my hormones will respond properly to that strong egg. I officially no longer believe this, but that's ok because I still think herbs and acupuncture are potentially beneficial. She advised me to go ahead and use the crinone gel, so I figured I should.

Meanwhile I'm on Week 3 of Paleo. It's significantly easier than it was mid-week in Week 2, when I was depressed and had begun thinking there is no way this diet is sustainable and I'm going to have to give it up and eat bread again and I'll be fat forever, etc. I was having the worst cravings. This week I feel much better (although the idea of pizza ... is a little heartbreaking). That said, the weight loss has slowed WAY down. I'm sure if I was sticking to it really well, literally eating only meat and vegetables, I'd still see a big difference. But I can't do a no-fruit diet. It's just unreasonable at this point.

What's baffling to me is that I really have cut out all grains and dairy and legumes and this weight loss-stall is still happening. Pretty interesting. I guess I need to really watch my fruit and up the exercise.

tcm

I don't know why it took me this long to try acupuncture. I mean, I've been studying Making Babies as though it were a holy screed for the last two and a half years, and the book clearly says acupuncture and Chinese herbs would be beneficial for me.

Timeliness is not my strong suit, I guess.

Anyway, I decided on Friday to just go ahead and do it. I called the office to make an appointment and they were like: Would you like to come in today? And I was like: Sure.

So I went in and met my acupuncturist, K. She asked a lot of questions about my medical history. She is officially the first person I've sought fertility help from who's asked me how I have dealt with my miscarriages emotionally. Just her caring enough to ask made me a little teary. She confirmed that Paleo is the best diet I can be on right now in order to minimize insulin surges.

I asked for her thoughts on the crinone gel I'd recently been prescribed and she said it can certainly help, but that her take on my condition is that my eggs need to be nourished and built up so they'll be strong. When I produce a strong egg, my body will react in accordance with the proper hormones. I'm not totally sure I agree, but I do agree that I'd like strong, nourished eggs.

For the treatment portion of my visit, she felt my pulse, palpated my stomach, and felt my cold hands and feet, at which point she declared that my yang is stuck. Although she pronounced it "yong." My qi is deficient and needs to get ... efficient. This information totally jibes with what Making Babies has told me.

She popped some needles in my forehead, lower abdomen, legs, and feet. Then she did this moxibustion thing I'd never heard of, where they heat some kind of dried Chinese plant and touch it to the needles. I think the theory is that it stimulates circulation. She placed a heat lamp over my belly and a heating pad at my feet. I was instructed to let my heart grow with unconditional love and send that love down my right arm, into my hand (which was resting on my lower stomach), and into my ovaries. I began to picture my ovaries as purple mirror balls. It was involuntary, what can I say.

I was left to relax for ... I don't know. Half an hour? I laid there and listened to the hippie music and got nice and deliciously toasty, and once I got bored of sending love to my glittering ovaries, I let my mind wander wherever it wanted to. I didn't fall asleep -- I'm simply not that chill of a person. Perhaps on a future visit I'll be able to relax that deeply.

When the session was over, K asked if I'm familiar with basal body temperature charting. Um. YES. She wants to see my charts. She is the first person I've sought fertility help from who's expressed the slightest interest in my charts. My personal belief on this subject is that most doctors have no clue what the temperatures mean.

K also wants to see my most recent blood work, so I got that for her as well. She prescribed some herbs and gave me a moxibustion stick to light and hold over my stomach. I told her I will try anything. Why not?

When I got home, there was an email waiting for me with my treatment plan inside. I'm to go for weekly sessions for one full cycle, and then reevaluate. She also strongly suggested I buy a certain book ... you guessed it! Making Babies! I believe I've stumbled upon the holy grail of acupuncture practices.

Because I had such a positive experience, I'm seriously considering not taking the crinone gel when I ovulate this cycle. Is that insane? I just kind of want to see how my body responds to acupuncture first ... maybe give it a couple cycles. We'll see how I feel after the next session on Friday.

To top it all off, I got a card in the mail today from K, just welcoming me to the practice and wishing me a happy weekend. Which is way more than I can say for the multitude of doctors I've seen and paid wayyyy more money to. Now, if it works? I'll be completely sold.

chart pt. 2

Just more charting for those fertility nerds who are into this stuff. I admittedly haven't been the best charter, but with the numbers I've continued to log, Fertility Friend has changed its estimate of my ovulation date to Day 13. As a reminder, last week it'd said my probable ovulation date was Day 17. If I strictly follow Making Babies guidelines, it would be Day 19.

In reality, I'm on Day 29, not 27. Not sure how I screwed that up. Oh, and I checked -- not pregnant. Not surprising.

There are so many problems with charting, especially if your hormones are whacked and even more so if you're a sometimes-insomniac. The only way to know for sure if I even did ovulate would be to have an ultrasound. We're still working out the kinks in our new insurance, so yeah. No doctor's appointments until that's all figured out.

I've started taking The Supplement That Shall Not Be Named (TSTSNBN) and I'm curious to see if it affects the chart during my next cycle. I've also just joined Weight Watchers.

*sigh*

charting

Here's my BBT chart this cycle ...

That spike actually happened on Day 20 but I messed up the chart, so yeah.

The Machine said my LH surged on Day 14, but I didn't get a temperature spike until Day 20. It makes me wonder if I am ovulating at all this cycle, and if I am if I'm ovulating a cruddy egg.

It's annoying.

Anyway. My order of Pregnitude (or as it shall henceforth be known, The Supplement That Shall Not Be Named) is due to arrive Thursday, and I'm sort of excited to see what it will do for me. It's supposed to improve egg quality, help induce ovulation, and help you lose weight.

Here's a link to an interesting post on myo-inositol, the active ingredient in TSTSNBN. Tell me what you think ...


**update** fertility friend thinks I ovulated on Day 17. This is in direct conflict with what Making Babies says, which is that ovulation has occurred once your temperature jumps at least .4 degrees higher than the highest temperature over the previous six days. That only appears to have happened on Day 19. Today's temp fell back down to 98.2.

Get on it

There are no changes since last week.

Temps are still too low. Ovulation is unlikely to have occurred. Aunt Flo should arrive shortly.

And my plan to wait until July has been booted out the window.

Because I'm making an appointment with a fertility specialist as soon as I get my period.

And I'm nervous as hell about it. 

Ovulation ... ?

Because my life follows Murphy's Law, I became rather ill during what The Machine told me were my most fertile days. We managed to get some good "work" done before I turned into the walking dead, and then I waited for ovulation.

And waited. And waited.

And then my temperature spiked on a morning after I'd slept fitfully. This was three days after my last peak fertile day, according to the fertility monitor. The previous night I'd slept two hours. I can't be sure if the temperature spike can be attributed to illness, or actual ovulation.

The next day the temperature dropped back down to pre-ovulation numbers. In case you're not familiar with how tracking basal temps works: Your temperature is supposed to spike when you ovulate, and then basically stay high for the rest of that cycle. If the temperatures drop back down, that's usually an indication of low progesterone, according to Making Babies. That's something I've suspected for a while.

But I gotta say, I am suspicious of that temperature spike. I don't think it's genuine. Next cycle's temperature chart will be more telling, as long as I don't come down with The Crud again. But honestly, I don't think I ovulated.

MB says the most common anovulatory condition is PCOS, and that 10 percent of women have it. I've never been diagnosed. Post-miscarriage the ultrasound showed only one unruptured cyst, but that's been seven months now. Who knows what my ovaries have been up to since then.

Most women with PCOS have weight issues (yes), hair in unwanted places (hello mustache), and insulin resistance. I've been tested for insulin issues a number of times -- my sister has Type 1 diabetes and I'm overweight, so doctors probably assume I'm a ticking time bomb. But the results have always come back normal.

However, there are actually two faces of PCOS; one that involves insulin resistance, and another that involves hyperandrogenism -- elevated androgen levels result from unruptured cysts. I don't know if I've ever been tested for that, but you can bet I'll be asking for it. 

MB says the best at-home remedies for PCOS are eating well and exercising. Unfortunately, "eating well" for PCOS means something close to the Atkins diet. The disease responds well to it. And the book says, encouragingly, that the majority of women with PCOS can get pregnant naturally. 

So, as usual, I'm basically self-diagnosing. Something else entirely could be causing my temperatures to be off. In any case, I'm still planning to give it one more cycle, and then it's off to the doctor. I'll reluctantly give low-carb eating a shot for the next month and keep trying to knock off the pounds. Diet, exercise, and The Crud helped me lose another few pounds since last week, so I'm on the right track. 

ARGH!

I am beyond annoyed.

I have been tracking my basal temperature, and it appears that every month, after the spike showing ovulation, it falls off. Goes of a cliff. Enters an ice age. What does this mean? Well, it could mean many things, including a progesterone deficiency. The one thing that during all of the poking and prodding that was done to me -- I was never tested for. After all, they reasoned, my luteal phase was long enough, so the progesterone had to be there. Of course, as we all know from MB the length of the luteal phase is just one of the markers, a progesterone deficiency can still exist, even if there are a full 14 days after ovulation.

I was sure it was a break through! My acupuncturist thought so too, and said I should call my doctor and see if she would order a test. I decided to call my naturopath, who has ordered testing like this before, sure she would help me out. I had an appointment already scheduled, so we could discuss the results.

She refused to do it.

She said she doesn't order tests just because an "acupuncturist" has a theory. I told her about the basal charting. She said we could discuss it at my next appointment. I said by then it would be too late because according to all the books it needed to be tested seven days after ovulation. I said it would be another month down the drain. She still refused. Oh, then she asked if I was trying to get pregnant. I guess she has short term amnesia.

Now, I know that doctors can't just order tests whenever a patient wants them. But when a doctor is working on a certain problem with a patient, and a test could help get to the bottom of it, shouldn't they be interested in having it done, no matter where the idea came from? Especially when the year of other medications they have prescribed haven't made any difference?

It made me wonder if she was just waiting to get her fee for the next appointment before she would help. Yep, that's how distrustful her response has made me. It also makes me want to dump all the pills she has put me on, at some cost, down the toilet. And it definitely makes me wonder if I want her involved in this process any more.

So, what do you think? Am I being a baby? Or is she being unreasonably unhelpful?

Damn Cat

My basal body temperature taking is not going well, and it is all because of my cat.

You see, in order to get an accurate temperature you have to have three hours of uninterrupted sleep. That means no getting up to pee, no turning off your alarm clock, and definitely no climbing under your bed to reach out your meowing cat and throw his ass outside.

It isn't until I am slamming the door behind him, wondering how I can break into a sweat so quickly, and with so little effort, that I realize I should have taken my temperature before undertaking the endeavor.

I've tried locking him outside for the night, hoping that would do the trick, but he still finds ways to wake me up, usually starting a fight with another cat. Jumping out of bed and running into the backyard to throw a panful of water on two snarling felines definitely counts against "moving" in the basal body temp game.

I am thinking I am going to start setting an alarm. I am usually in bed by ten, so if I set it for two I should get the three hours. Then I could definitely get an accurate reading. Of course, there is the fact that I will be setting an alarm for 2am, in a bedroom I share with my husband. So, he might have something to say about it. And there is the fact that at 2am I am more likely to throw the thermometer out the window than stick it in my mouth.

This is why I like the pee sticks so much more... Totally cat proof.

What's The Temperature, Kenneth?

I am going to admit something shocking.

I have never tracked my basal body temperature.

I know. I know. I should be kicked out of the infertility club immediately.

It isn't that I haven't tried. I have bought numerous thermometers, and dutifully placed them by the side of the bed. Then I have awoken the next morning and walked right past them, only to remember with a "damn" once I was already in the shower.

Also, the whole thing just seems so ripe for misreadings. The fact that you are supposed to have slept just enough, but not too much; or else you have to do algebra to figure out what your actual temperature is has always been off putting. Does moving my leg out from under the covers mean I'm going to get the wrong reading? What about reaching out to grab the thermometer?

Truth be told, I don't see what my temperature will tell me that hasn't already been told to me by years of being poked, prodded, scoped, wanded, bled, and battered. It could tell me when my husband and I should being "doing it" (technical term), but the OPKs already tell us that, and, really, we keep our bases pretty well covered, if you know what I mean.

I am trying it again though, at the behest of my acupuncturist. She seems to think there is something in there that will help her know where to put the needles. I just hope she doesn't mind when the temperature is "damn" for a couple of the days.

If only they made a basal body thermometer that only worked in the shower....

Flatliner

The appointment has been made! June 22. Commence nerves.

Normal papsmear - no problem. The whole "what's wrong with my baby machine" thing, though ... is a little nerve wracking.

I can play the well-educated guessing game all I want, but the fact of the matter is we simply don't know what is preventing conception. More and more it seems like I hear about people who just can't have kids because of a variety of issues, and if that's me, too? I don't know what my next step is and I can't think about it yet.

Since I began taking my basal body temperature first thing every morning several months ago, I've suspected a progesterone deficiency. The last few cycles in particular have been a bit disturbing -- the temperatures hover around 98 degrees, forming a mostly straight line, rather than that spike in temperature you really want to see at ovulation and afterward.

I have no idea what causes a progesterone deficiency. The internet has a number of theories: Exposure to petrochemicals as a fetus; too much estrogen (fat); birth control pills cause estrogen dominance/ early follicle burnout; stress; hormones in meat.

Of all of those I figure if anything screwed me up it's the birth control pills. And my weight.

Today is my ninth day on the vegan cleanse, and so far, it's had minimal results where my fertility is concerned. I'm noticing more moisture down below, but my temperatures are still wacked. I've lost about five pounds, which is great, but too few to really effect any change at this point.

The goal for the next couple of weeks is to just keep on trucking -- keep losing weight and trying to stay positive. A progesterone deficiency would probably be welcome news at this point: At least there are pills for that.

The joke's on me

I'm on Day 20 of this cycle, and I'm pretty sure I ovulated two days ago. My temperature spiked (just a little -- only .3 degrees) and then yesterday it crashed back down .4 degrees.

It all looks very familiar. So far I'm much calmer this cycle. In previous months I've been majorly frustrated as I watched my temperature see-saw up and down; a possible indication of a progesterone deficiency. It made me feel hopeless. This month I don't know why -- I just feel more hopeful. I know all hope is not lost. Anything is possible, even in a wonky cycle like mine.

Yesterday I started the 21-day vegan cleanse I mentioned last week, and I'm hoping that helps my body be a more welcoming host, not to mention that it should result in weight loss as well, which would help regulate my hormones.

And today I am officially insured! Now I can make that appointment with my OB and go get poked and prodded. This will be my first "fertility" check. Every other time I've been to an OB they say everything looks perfectly normal and I should be able to have kids just fine. Of course, a few of them encouraged me to do so sooner than later, and perhaps I should have heeded that advice. Not that it's any of their business when I decide to have children.

In the meantime, I'm at the beginning of the dreaded two-week wait. Staying hydrated and nourished, taking my supplements, going on walks. The cleanse keeps me off coffee and alcohol, which is an added bonus and something I should have been doing anyway, I suppose. 

Other than that, I'm just trying not to obsess about it. It's easier said than done, when everyone around you seems to be pregnant or carting around an infant. It's no fault of theirs -- it's just the universe playing a cosmic joke.

How to know you're really, really not pregnant

I'm only on my third month of tracking my basal body temperature, but it's been long enough to show me something is completely whack.

I think pictures will speak better than I can to illustrate what's going on here, so please take a look at these three cycles I tracked and tell me if they even look like they're from the same person. 

This first cycle, I started on Day 10. Which - I know - not ideal to give you the big picture, but it does still show a lot of wild temperature ranges. If I had to guess, I'd say I ovulated on Day 17, if I ovulated at all.

 This is the second month I tracked, and so far the most "normal" looking chart I have, even with all of the roller-coastering happening in the luteal phase. In this cycle, it looks like I ovulated on Day 14, but the temperature kept spiking and dropping, indicating a possible progesterone deficiency.

And here I am on Day 22 of this very special cycle. I ovulated (maybe) on Day 17, followed by a big temperature drop - probably not a good thing. This is probably considered a monophasic cycle, since the temperatures are all very similar; as you can see, they're all hovering around 98 degrees. There's a distinct possibility in this cycle that I did not ovulate at all.

Temperature charting makes trying to conceive rather frustrating. Because on one hand, I've got The Machine, which is basically shouting at me: YOU'RE FERTILE! HAVE SEX NOW! I SAW THE RIGHT HORMONES SO YOU REALLY ARE GONNA OVULATE, YUP!

And so I do. And then I see ovulation occurring on the chart, which is great. And then the next day the temperature drops and from there on out starts doing its customary boomeranging.

So again, I ain't pregnant. I say this with 98 percent certainty. I don't feel pregnant (although I know, I know, I'm only five days post-ovulation) and my chart is saying "not gonna happen this cycle, sweetheart."

Which is why I've decided that after this cycle, when the certainty of non-pregnancy has reared its ugly Red Head once again, I am stashing The Machine and the thermometer and the charts and all that other crap in a cupboard somewhere and I'm going to ignore it for one cycle. I'll continue supplements, but that's it.

Otherwise, my brain is going to break. Or my heart. Or both.

I've been advised a couple of things, by multiple people.

The first is to relax, which I know all of us who are trying to conceive hate to hear. Relax and it will happen! Look: I am so relaxed that in order for me to be more relaxed, I would need to take tranquilizers and sit in the back yard with a pitcher of margaritas. I work from home, doing stuff I love, I have the best husband in the world, etc. But I get the gist of what they're saying -- they're saying Stop being so hard on yourself. Stop worrying about this for five minutes and think about something else. So I'm gonna. For one cycle.

The second piece of advice I've received is: Go to the doctor. So, look. Eventually I will go to the doctor. But seeing as how I have a deep mistrust of doctors and I suspect that my cycles will start to even out once I lose more weight (7 pounds and counting!), I just don't want to yet. I still have this hope that this will all happen naturally and I won't have to deal with medication or needles or any of that. That may not be the case, but I need to spend the time to find out on my own. Additionally, my insurance is changing so right now's not a good time to be going to the doctor or getting pregnant, anyway.

So I'm really looking forward to my Cycle of Freedom. I'm not going to check for cervical mucus. I'm going to have sex when I want to, not when that infernal Machine tells me to. I'm not going to take my temperature and obsess over spikes and dips. Instead, I'm going to let Jillian Michaels beat the shit out of me during the 30-Day Shred. I'm going to resume my 5K training. I'm going to keep eating fruit and vegetables as though they were absolutely the most wonderful things I'd ever tasted pleasegodineedacheeseburger.

And at the end of that cycle, I'll pull out my stash of fertility helpers and start peeing on sticks again and taking my temperature every morning and checking my mucus and maybe, oh, maybe, my body will behave.