chart pt. 2

Just more charting for those fertility nerds who are into this stuff. I admittedly haven't been the best charter, but with the numbers I've continued to log, Fertility Friend has changed its estimate of my ovulation date to Day 13. As a reminder, last week it'd said my probable ovulation date was Day 17. If I strictly follow Making Babies guidelines, it would be Day 19.

In reality, I'm on Day 29, not 27. Not sure how I screwed that up. Oh, and I checked -- not pregnant. Not surprising.

There are so many problems with charting, especially if your hormones are whacked and even more so if you're a sometimes-insomniac. The only way to know for sure if I even did ovulate would be to have an ultrasound. We're still working out the kinks in our new insurance, so yeah. No doctor's appointments until that's all figured out.

I've started taking The Supplement That Shall Not Be Named (TSTSNBN) and I'm curious to see if it affects the chart during my next cycle. I've also just joined Weight Watchers.

*sigh*

charting

Here's my BBT chart this cycle ...

That spike actually happened on Day 20 but I messed up the chart, so yeah.

The Machine said my LH surged on Day 14, but I didn't get a temperature spike until Day 20. It makes me wonder if I am ovulating at all this cycle, and if I am if I'm ovulating a cruddy egg.

It's annoying.

Anyway. My order of Pregnitude (or as it shall henceforth be known, The Supplement That Shall Not Be Named) is due to arrive Thursday, and I'm sort of excited to see what it will do for me. It's supposed to improve egg quality, help induce ovulation, and help you lose weight.

Here's a link to an interesting post on myo-inositol, the active ingredient in TSTSNBN. Tell me what you think ...


**update** fertility friend thinks I ovulated on Day 17. This is in direct conflict with what Making Babies says, which is that ovulation has occurred once your temperature jumps at least .4 degrees higher than the highest temperature over the previous six days. That only appears to have happened on Day 19. Today's temp fell back down to 98.2.

meh

It's Day 15 and I've just reached my peak fertile hurry-up-and-bone day.

Yep. God only knows what all is happening up in my Lady Parts, but we certainly have a surge of luteinizing hormone, and that's something, at least. Our new insurance kicks in about a week and a half from now, and then I suppose I can go harass some more doctors about my defunct vagina.

Meanwhile, a number of irritating things are happening. Nothing major, just minor annoyances that add up to make me feel bitchy. I'm sorry this isn't one of those uplifting infertility blogs where the girl just keeps plugging away optimistically until her vagina is like, FINE BITCH, you can have a baby.

Nope. It's not. Because I let things get to me. Let's list them! All the things! Ok, here we go.

- Weight loss. Dudes. Losing weight is hard. I've been on this diet that's making me a little stabby. You eat a combination of lean protein and complex carbs SIX TIMES A DAY. Planning for meals on this diet is stressful. And I am not especially enjoying the food. Meh.

- One of my facebook friends who announced her pregnancy at the same time I was miscarrying this last pregnancy. Normally I find her funny and awesome, but now I am inexplicably irritated by her. Today she said she is going to Disneyland and will be 25 weeks pregnant at the time and asked what shoes she should wear. I don't think anyone is going to have anything particularly insightful to say to her about this. You'll be pregnant. Wear comfortable shoes, for godssakes.

- Pregnitude. Really, Pregnitude? Ya couldn't come up with a better name than Pregnitude? As if being infertile weren't already demeaning enough, companies come up with the most irritating names for their products. That said, I've just ordered a box of Pregnitude, since lately the internet has been singing its praises. Let's face it: I will try fucking anything at this point. 

- Exercise. Exerting myself is not my favorite. Yes, I am lazy.

- Cleaning the shower. Worst chore ever.

- Former infertiles who forget everything about what it was like to be infertile because now they have babies and everything's awesome. It's really not their faults, because I would be exactly the same way. Who wants to dwell on the past when now you have a baby? Let's just call this what it is: Jealousy.

- Do I plan a vacation or not plan a vacation? Is it presumptuous of me to assume I might be pregnant at the time of said vacation? Yes, maybe. Is it possible to take a vacation if I'm pregnant? Sure. Problems, though: I don't want to be sick on vacation, and I don't want to fly in the first trimester (advice from Making Babies), and -- oh yeah -- I don't want to miscarry on vacation. But I will hate myself if I don't go on vacation, so fuck it. We're going.

- Articles with headlines like: "Father's Age is Linked to Risk of Autism and Schizophrenia." There's no turning back time, folks! Time to throw the dice and see how they land.

I'm sure that is quite enough bitching and moaning for today. I hope to return shortly and report on the wonders of Pregnitude ...

please hold

Hurry up and wait is the order of the hour. It's a good news/weird news week.

For starters, my OB (the bitch with a capital C) is leaving the medical group I go to so she can be a full time mommy. How nice for her. That sentence wasn't dripping with acidic sarcasm. In opposite land.

Anyway, it's fine, because as I say, she's a total cuntwozzle and I am just gonna pick a different OB in the same practice. Probably.

Probably, because yesterday my husband's old company acquired his new company, and our insurance is going to change. Things can only get better in that department -- nothing can be worse than "We're sorry your vagina doesn't work, now here is zero dollars to help with that."

So in anticipation of better coverage, I canceled a physical I'd scheduled at the fertility clinic on Tuesday, along with a round of blood tests that would have cost a couple grand. I'm OK with waiting another month or so.

In other fertility clinic news, they keep having this ignoramous call me and tell me things, when she clearly has no idea what she's talking about. It's becoming grating. She called Monday to tell me one of the doctors says two miscarriages in a row does not equal "a pattern of miscarriages." In their world, perhaps. Anyway, because of that, they do not feel any additional testing is warranted. I didn't argue with her because as I said, she knows nothing. I'd planned to attack the NP doing my physical for information yesterday, but that'll have to wait.

Finally, I pored over Making Babies and upped my vitamin intake to the level the book recommends. I will probably ovulate this cycle, despite the miscarriage, if the CM I'm seeing is any indication. I'm seeing more than normal, and I can only attribute this to the vitamins. I'm taking a lot more folic acid, and I've added vitamin C, NAC, and coQ10 to the mix.

The ignoramous on the phone says they don't generally recommend trying to conceive again directly following a miscarriage blah blah I've heard it all before. I wonder if three miscarriages equals a pattern? Hm. I'm not interested in finding out but I also wonder if it's possible two miscarriages in a row really isn't a pattern and there's maybe nothing wrong with me. I can clearly get pregnant; staying pregnant is the trick. I'm still losing tiny bits of weight at a time and am down about ten pounds, so hopefully that helps whatever might be jacking me up.

In any case, that's what's up right now. There probably won't be much to report until we get the insurance thing worked out. Til then!

Get on it

There are no changes since last week.

Temps are still too low. Ovulation is unlikely to have occurred. Aunt Flo should arrive shortly.

And my plan to wait until July has been booted out the window.

Because I'm making an appointment with a fertility specialist as soon as I get my period.

And I'm nervous as hell about it. 

Ovulation ... ?

Because my life follows Murphy's Law, I became rather ill during what The Machine told me were my most fertile days. We managed to get some good "work" done before I turned into the walking dead, and then I waited for ovulation.

And waited. And waited.

And then my temperature spiked on a morning after I'd slept fitfully. This was three days after my last peak fertile day, according to the fertility monitor. The previous night I'd slept two hours. I can't be sure if the temperature spike can be attributed to illness, or actual ovulation.

The next day the temperature dropped back down to pre-ovulation numbers. In case you're not familiar with how tracking basal temps works: Your temperature is supposed to spike when you ovulate, and then basically stay high for the rest of that cycle. If the temperatures drop back down, that's usually an indication of low progesterone, according to Making Babies. That's something I've suspected for a while.

But I gotta say, I am suspicious of that temperature spike. I don't think it's genuine. Next cycle's temperature chart will be more telling, as long as I don't come down with The Crud again. But honestly, I don't think I ovulated.

MB says the most common anovulatory condition is PCOS, and that 10 percent of women have it. I've never been diagnosed. Post-miscarriage the ultrasound showed only one unruptured cyst, but that's been seven months now. Who knows what my ovaries have been up to since then.

Most women with PCOS have weight issues (yes), hair in unwanted places (hello mustache), and insulin resistance. I've been tested for insulin issues a number of times -- my sister has Type 1 diabetes and I'm overweight, so doctors probably assume I'm a ticking time bomb. But the results have always come back normal.

However, there are actually two faces of PCOS; one that involves insulin resistance, and another that involves hyperandrogenism -- elevated androgen levels result from unruptured cysts. I don't know if I've ever been tested for that, but you can bet I'll be asking for it. 

MB says the best at-home remedies for PCOS are eating well and exercising. Unfortunately, "eating well" for PCOS means something close to the Atkins diet. The disease responds well to it. And the book says, encouragingly, that the majority of women with PCOS can get pregnant naturally. 

So, as usual, I'm basically self-diagnosing. Something else entirely could be causing my temperatures to be off. In any case, I'm still planning to give it one more cycle, and then it's off to the doctor. I'll reluctantly give low-carb eating a shot for the next month and keep trying to knock off the pounds. Diet, exercise, and The Crud helped me lose another few pounds since last week, so I'm on the right track. 

Balls out

I knew I likely hadn't ovulated for at least two months, so starting my period four days early wasn't entirely surprising.

What was surprising was that instead of wallowing, loading up on chocolate, and uncorking the closest bottle of wine, I enthusiastically drafted my Plan of Attack for this cycle. I touched on it in the previous post, and boy howdy, it is in action.

New pee sticks for the fertility monitor have been ordered and are en route. My thermometer and the Making Babies book are bedside. I've just guzzled my second enormous mug of raspberry leaf tea today, and my innards are buzzing with vitamin B12. I've taken to walking around the neighborhood twice a day, and now my neighbors just peer at me quizzically while they water their lawns. I've lost five pounds over the last several weeks; not huge, but I'll take it. Fruits and veggies are my friends and I've managed to mostly avoid gluten and sugar (excepting a couple of transgressions on Mother's Day, but who can blame me?). This week I started a dairy detox.

Basically, I'm not fucking around here.

And as I mentioned previously, I'm giving it until July before I put my fertility issues in the hands of a specialist. If I need to go back to a doctor, I'm not jacking around with my regular OB anymore.

But if the universe is willing, I think I can make this happen on my own. I got a surge of hope, and I'm clinging to it like a life raft.

Anovulation

Through a series of observations, like:

1. Ovulation tests
2. Monitoring of cervical mucus
3. Observance of non-pregnant status

... I have determined I am not ovulating.

I've also diagnosed myself with Lotsa Fatitude with Extreme Estrogen, which I believe is causing my anovulation. Making Babies says fat releases lots of estrogen. If there's too much fat on your body, you might as well be taking a birth control pill.

I've given myself til July to rectify the issue. If it's not solved by then, I'll be seeing a doctor again.

Plans are:

1. Walking 5 miles a day
2. Drinking buttloads of raspberry leaf tea
3. Taking buttloads of B vitamins, among other supplements
4. Abdominal massage, as recommended by Making Babies
5. Dust off The Machine (my very fancy ovulation predictor)
6. Track basal temps

I've quit coffee and am slowly cutting out "acidic" foods. I've removed gluten, sugar (although I've flubbed here and there) and most starches from my diet. Next up is dairy, then alcohol (*sob*).

So, two months. We'll see what happens. It's frustrating, and I'm getting anxious, and I don't want to be anxious.

A two-month trial

Firstly, a public service announcement: If you guys are into fertility stuff and aren't watching Giuliana & Bill on the E! network, you should be. It's nice to see someone who has genuinely struggled to conceive go through the same things us "normal" folks go through, ie. when everyone you know is pregnant/has children. But more importantly I saw a preview for an upcoming episode in which she mentions the very book that Libby, Christina and I are following in an attempt to conceive naturally -- Making Babies. I am really curious to see what she thinks of the book and if she applies its principles in her life. If she wants my unsolicited advice, she probably needs to gain just a little bit of weight.

Anyway! You might recall that last week my doctor told my husband and I that everything is normal so far. Further tests on me might reveal the very issues that have been preventing me from conceiving, and my doctor's recommended that I go see a specialist if I don't get pregnant this cycle. 

I, however, have thought about it and decided that I am going to wait until October to submit to further testing. It's only a couple months away and gives me a chance to try to establish some really healthy habits and truly employ the Making Babies recommendations. I chose October because that's my birthday month. I'll be 33, and will probably be more than ready to have more blood drawn, etc., if I haven't managed to conceive naturally by then.

Meanwhile, my cycles have thrown me a couple of curve balls, just when I thought I had them figured out. The last one was longer than expected, and this time I think my cycle has even confused The Machine (my way-too-expensive Clearblue fertility monitor). For a few months I reached peak fertility on Day 17, and ovulated on Day 18 or 19. I assumed this cycle would be exactly the same, believing I'd achieved an actual regular cycle, which was more than welcome after a year of playing Who knows when I might ovulate?! Not to mention: Who knows when I might start my period?!

So The Machine was telling me what it always does on Days 10-13: Low fertility. My toilet paper was telling me a different story  -- a lovely tale of fertile cervical mucus. Which was confusing, but had happened before. I expected a reading of perhaps elevated fertility on Day 14, but instead The Machine suddenly bounded straight to the top of the chart and said I had reached my peak fertile day. *ALERT! ALERT!* That's what it always feels like when I see that I've reached my peak fertile day --- drop everything, including your drawers! Get busy!

In any case, I was a bit concerned. How did I not have the estrogen surge that would indicate high fertility before reaching my peak fertile day? And why was my peak fertile day three days before it has been for the last few months? I turned to The Machine's instruction booklet. Which, by the way, was written by idiots. I won't mince words. The Machine is very easy to use, but in reading the instruction booklet you'd think you were being trained to detonate a nuclear missile.

Lo and behold, in the FAQ section, I found this question:

My monitor changed straight from Low to Peak Fertility this cycle. What does this mean? 

The booklet (un)helpfully answers:

This may happen occasionally, for example when a rise in estrogen is detected on the same day as your LH surge or if the Monitor does not detect a change in your estrogen before you LG surge. This can happen if you miss a test, or perform a test incorrectly, or if you have a very short cycle following longer cycles.

I did not miss any tests, or perform any tests incorrectly, nor did I have a very short cycle following longer cycles. I guess I just have to be satisfied with the blanket answer that the rise in estrogen was simply not detected until the LH (lutenizing hormone) surge. Which pisses me off because I want to know WHY. Is it possible there is an underlying issue that would cause something like that?

I guess these are the kinds of things that good little girls who let doctors poke and prod them get to find out. So I guess I'll be finding out sometime around October. 

Damn

I have now been off everything for three weeks. No hormones. No supplements. No herbs. I feel a TON better. No break through bleeding. No stomach problems. No emotional roller coaster. Oh, and no ovulation.

That's right, according to my trusty little pee sticks, my eggs have taken a hiatus. It is now day 21 and no double line has appeared.

So, what to do now?

I'm not really sure.

I think I need to start adding stuff back in.

With my next cycle, along with the new and improved "healthy living" initiative, I am going to restart with the hormone therapy. I am starting with that instead of the supplements since I know that didn't make me sick. I was on it for a year before I started the supplements, and never had problems. Of course, during that year I also didn't get pregnant, so I don't know if it was having an impact on my ovulation. In the next month I will track it and, if I begin ovulating again, stick with the hormones and flush the supplements.

If I don't? I will try a month on the supplements and see what happens.

My hope is that one or the other was causing ovulation, and that it was just the combo of both that caused the problems. I am hoping the combo wasn't responsible for both the good and the bad, because really, the bad was too bad to even think about the good.

I am hoping there is a simple solution to all of this that I am just overlooking.

I am hoping that I find that solution before all my hope, and patience, are gone.

Annnnnd, breathe.

Desperate Measures

I'm making an appointment with my OB/GYN.

Yep, that's right, my old fashioned, medication loving, likes to tell me to just "relax," has no diet tips except Weight Watchers, has never stuck a needle in me except to draw blood, and who wouldn't know what to do with herbs unless they were on a salad OB/GYN.

I need to know what the hell is going on.

I mean, in some sense, I know what's going on. My naturopath OB has been treating me for PCOS with hormones, and was the one who diagnosed the cyst. However, I am now starting to feel like it is getting worse, or that something is going on in my body that shouldn't be. For the past three months I have cramped and heavily spotted on the days I am ovulating, or immediately after. My stomach is always upset. I am having hot flashes and nausea.

Not only do I feel crappy, but its making it hard to stay on the program. When my stomach is upset? All I want to do is eat carbs. I definitely don't want to swallow herbs or supplements. The spotting is doing to my mental state what the stomach woes are doing to my physical one. Every time it happens I think "what's the use, I obviously can't make babies" and go pour some wine.

I am not going to my traditional OB/GYN because I don't trust my naturopath or my acupuncturist. I think I have paid them both enough money to show my faith. It's just that I already know how both of them want to address this problem, and it isn't working. I need a perspective from someone who has been with me from the beginning of all of this, and who isn't afraid to throw a little western medicine at it. I mean, if this cyst needs to be removed, I want to know it now -- not when it bursts.

Maybe a third perspective is just what the doctor ordered.

I really hope so.